Convention Etiquette for Mad Scientists

September 20, 2010 at 8:11 pm Leave a comment

I spent the weekend in Dallas TX at FenCon. I had a marvelous time- lots of friendly people, lots of fun, lots of men in kilts *giggle*, and lots of other stuff. The theme was mad science, so here’s some rules for you mad scientists out there.

1. If you are an evil mad scientist and plan to take over the world, do not announce this in a room full of heroes. Keep your evil plans secret until your minions are in place. That way you can destroy all the heroes at the same time, before they have a chance to stop you.

2. Mad scientists can work for the good side without a loss of too much dignity. Life expectancy is much higher if you work for a hero creating gadgets because you rarely have to leave your secret lab.

3. Mad scientists are required to have crazy hair or be completely bald. Hair gel or cheap wigs can be used to great effect, just watch out for that bunsen burner. Burning hair is quite entertaining–on someone else.

4. If you are a scientist but not mad yet, you can either work at a daycare center until you go crazy or you can get involved in local politics, depending on which definition of mad you are trying to achieve.

5. Wear a white labcoat if you want everyone to know you are a scientist. With the hair from #4, no one will be able to mistake you for any other occupation. If you really want to make sure, add funky protective goggles and gloves to your ensemble, then cackle madly.

6. You must practice your evil laugh. Everyone knows mad scientists must use their evil laugh at every opportunity. It can range from a demented chuckle to a bass “Mwuhahahahaha!” Rubbing your hands is also compulsory.

7. Mad scientists must have an entire lab full of strange bubbling beakers and colorful liquids. Things such as assorted body parts, strange electrical devices, rats, and hunchback assistants only add to the general atmosphere. Most can be acquired from your local supermart for a decent price. They tend to be on clearance in the spring.

8. Don’t bother getting a science degree. Universities tend to focus more on real science and less on aesthetics. Everyone knows that mad scientists don’t actually do any science. See the above 7 rules if you have questions.

Good luck on your mad science projects!

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Jaleta Clegg

I write science fiction, fantasy, and comic horror. I also have a whole horde of children and a lot of opinions.

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